So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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