He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
