I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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