well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
