The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
