Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
