Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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