What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
