During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
