And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
