my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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