i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
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hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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