Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
