So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
