Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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