While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
