The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
NoShamevember. You game?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
