should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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