U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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