i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
