I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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