I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
