I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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