I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
