ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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