I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Randomize
