I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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