And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize