I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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