I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
