I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
