You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
