It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
