I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize