i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
