just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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