ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My pussy is not your playground.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
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you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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