Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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