I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
