just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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