matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
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On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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