Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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