3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It was confusing and full of hummus
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
