I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
