So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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