you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
