Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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