I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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