god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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