Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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