she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
