you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
