I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize