fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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