Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
