I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
