i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
