Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
