I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
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eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize