so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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