So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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