You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
