ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
